The Value of Holding Space
This weekend I attended 2 different women’s circles. I love attending circles; there's something so special and transcendent about women coming together and holding space for each other. A free space for sharing, for hurting, for holding, for movement, where you can truly be yourself without judgement.
In my personal life I've had an extremely difficult year so far, and it had been a while since I'd attended circle. As I passed over the threshold (insofar as a field has a threshold), with a hug and some kind words from Amy, I felt a deeper layer of grief open within me, ready to be felt in that safe space. I started the morning unable to stop crying, sitting in circle with tears running down my face into my scarf, trying to stop my body from sobbing, suppressing the seemingly inate embarrassment I felt, held by these amazing women, in this amazing wild space. We ended it dancing by the fire, and I let myself be warmly embraced again (something I always struggle with!). I left a few hours after I walked in weeping, stinking of woodsmoke and feeling lighter, better, stronger, than I had before.
Sunday saw the return of the incredible Moon Forest Flow women's circles. I started attending Carly's circles last year when I was seeking a space to experiment with letting myself be seen, emotional vulnerability, and letting myself feel and process my emotions in my body rather than always trying to intellectualise everything. It's been a slow process, but with definite progress, and I will be forever grateful to her for the space she provides and holds for women to come and let themselves expansively exist together 💜
The ultimate value of women holding space for one another cannot be overstated. In a world where we're bombarded with the notion of performative existence daily, it so often feels like we're the only ones struggling, the only ones feeling how we do. In these spaces where we come together, we can experience a transcendent not-aloneness.
The practice of space holding is the practice of emotional safety, as much as one can ever be emotionally safe. Knowing that we are not alone, that others are with us, beside us, supporting and holding us, allows us to access our truest self, our truest vulnerability, from which comes our truest strength.
Knowing that you're not alone, that there's someone in your corner, can give you the freedom to exist as your whole self, in life and in birth (yep, here's the link to birthwork coming in!). Yes, there's elements of "antenatal education", of knowing your birth rights, of hypnobirthing and coping tools. But fundamentally, its having someone there who sees you, who knows you've got this, that gives you the strength and freedom to go deep within yourself as you journey through labour and birth into motherhood. They can protect that space for you - sometimes quite literally managing your threshold so your space is kept sacred, with only those you want there - ensuring you feel safe to allow the power of your body to carry you. To surrender.
There's so much more to it than I can say here - indeed, there are countless whole books about it written by wiser women than I! Today, I just wanted to put into words the huge appreciation I feel for these women carving out space for us to come together and celebrate ourselves and our continued existence on this strange little rock hurtling through space... even when we're going through utterly shit times, and things feel utterly bleak. Each time I'm at a circle and hear women sharing themselves so openly and vulnerably and honestly, hear their heaviness and pride and laughter and anger, I am overwhelmed by the love I feel for these women I barely know. Its literally magic.
So, to Amy & Laura & Carly, and to all the women I've shared circle space with both this weekend and at circles past, to my friends and acquaintances and familiar faces, thank you 💜
...that's all.
Wiped Out Women’s Club at Hideaway Wood Farm
Wild Women’s Circle by MoonForestFlow
